In 2020 Sir Stephen Cobb set up the Family Solutions Group to look at what could be done to improve the experience of children and families before they make applications to court.
It highlighted the need to make sure that children remained at the heart of all decisions made by or about the family. Research shows that the way parents handle a separation has a direct effect on their children.
It’s also a child’s right to be involved and to have their voices heard – research has shown that children who have been consulted and asked often fare better. Valuable work in this area has been conducted by Professor Anne Barlow and Dr Jan Ewing, and their findings can be seen in their book ‘Children’s voices, family disputes and child-inclusive mediation. The right to be heard’, published in May 2024.
How it Works
Have a look at the video below, which explains what the Family Solutions Group say about including children.
We encourage our families to involve their children in the process, where it is safe and appropriate to do so. Children have the right to have their voice heard – we are not asking them to make decisions, but to explain what it is like to be them, and what their hopes and aspirations are for the future of their family. Hearing how a child feels can often be a turning point for parents.
This is a poem written by a child of separated parents, and taken from the book ‘In Our Shoes’ by the Family Justice Young Peoples Board (FJYPB) about the experiences of children and young people in the Family Justice System:
“It’s my life
It’s my family
It’s my future
I speak with my feelings
I write with my mind
Listen to my words
Communicate with me
Include me in decisions involving my life
After all it’s about me
Include us all
Big or small
Brown or white
No matter what we look like.
Listen and value us
Don’t dismiss us
I need to speak
I need you to understand how I feel
Value and respect my feelings
I want you to listen
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Before you make your decision
And take a position
After all it’s all about me
I feel sick
I feel weak
To me my future is bleak,
It’s time for you to speak.
I place my trust in you
Help me
Listen to me
Speak for me when I cannot
Tell me decisions that have been made
Update me at every stage
Don’t run away
Don’t ignore me
Speak plain
Take time to explain and engage
After all it’s all about me
This is my life
Don’t forget this about me
Don’t forget me”
Anonymous
Our specially trained team members are used to talking with young people, the meetings are friendly and informal, and we often have ideas to help support children through the changes that are happening within their families. Through games, play and conversation we can help children express how they are feeling.
You’ll generally have your first joint mediation appointment with us before we see your children, who typically meet with us twice. We can show you the things we use in our children appointments, such as the Bear Cards, and we’ll get to know a bit about them through you. Their first appointment might last around an hour, and we’ll follow that up with a Feedback Meeting for you.
The Feedback Meeting is a shorter appointment, and you’ll have time to reflect on what you’ve heard before you return to mediation. If you’re able to make decisions together in mediation with us, we generally see children for a second appointment, again lasting around an hour, to let them know the outcome and to give them a chance to express how they feel. Have a look at Chloe’s Story https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aHlu0ibSF-g to see how taking part in mediation can help your children.
It’s important to note that meeting with children is not outcome focussed – we are giving children a chance to speak and voice their opinions and feelings. This may or may not help you make decisions about them, but it will definitely help you understand your children better, so that you can co-parent more positively.
Our Team
Costs
Mediation sessions have a minimum fee of £504 (in VAT) for up to 90 minutes, and this is shared between you.
Legal aid is available for mediation and we’ll assess that when we meet with you. If you are eligible, mediation will be free of charge for your share.
The Ministry of Justice is also currently funding a voucher which can contribute £500 towards the cost of mediations that involve discussions about your children.
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